Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

8 years

I’ve been at my new job for 8 years now, twice as long as I’ve been at any other job in my life.

Previously I’ve posted something at work on my work anniversaries. This year I haven’t; I don’t know what to say to them. I’ve said less in public this past year or so, on social media in general, than I used to. (I’ve barely said anything here; I’m talking about social media I actually use regularly.) I seem to be entering a phase where there doesn’t seem to be a point to saying anything.

Who’s listening to anything, except the howling?

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Your daily Audre Lord

“Difference must be not merely tolerated, but seen as a fund of necessary polarities between which our creativity can spark like a dialectic. Only then does the necessity for interdependency become unthreatening. Only within that interdependency of different strengths, acknowledged and equal, can the power to seek new ways of being in the world generate, as well as the courage and sustenance to act where there are no charters.

Within the interdependence of mutual (nondominant) differences lies that security which enables us to descend into the chaos of knowledge and return with true visions of our future, along with the concomitant power to effect those changes which can bring that future into being. Difference is that raw and powerful connection from which our personal power is forged.”

http://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/lordedismantle.html

Just sayin’

“To combat these feelings, Ontarians want a strong leader who can take the country back from the rich and powerful (81%) and a leader who is willing to break the rules (53%), says the report, prepared for Global News.

No wonder the Conservatives, led by loud-mouthed blunderbuss Doug Ford, are so far ahead in every part of Ontario except the cities of Toronto and Ottawa.

https://www.therecord.com/opinion-story/8604431-election-poll-reveals-deep-vein-of-anger-frustration-in-ontario/

You know, when I think “break the rules and take the province back from the rich and powerful” I don’t immediately think “conservatives”. Apparently that’s weird now?

Zero views!

Truly, a milestone.

We’re going there

So the topic of concealed carry at work has come up among my American colleagues. It’s been a long, long time since I was this sustainably pissed off at my American colleagues. It’s taken me a while to articulate exactly why.

Carrying a concealed gun has exactly one purpose at the end of the day: you want to have the ability to kill people more efficiently.

That’s it.

“Self-defense”, “good guy with a gun stopping a bad guy with a gun”, it’s all weasel words. You want to be able to kill someone in self-defense more efficiently. You want to kill a “bad guy” more efficiently.

If you want to carry a concealed weapon, it’s because ultimately you want the option to kill someone more efficiently than you could otherwise. You think there may be a situation where you are going to want someone to die and not being able to put a bullet in their brain or their torso would be too slow.

If you want to carry a concealed weapon, you think there will be a situation where you have to right to decide if another human being lives or dies.

It’s one of the most profoundly selfish moral positions I can imagine, and I will treat it with all the contempt it deserves.

What a beautiful and ugly week.

I went on vacation. Went to the beach, met friends. It was great.

And while I was away, one of my coworkers in the head office showed their ass and it got leaked and it was a shit storm and a lot of other coworkers showed their asses and the company brass said very careful things, and now we’re going to have a town hall where the brass will say still more very careful things and do everything in their power to not take a moral position.

And in that moral vacuum coworkers will continue to show their asses and that will become the company’s moral position. And in the meantime a lot of people have gotten hurt.

Just…do no harm. Apparently that was too fucking hard for some people.

Spare me the intellectually lazy, the incurious, and those who think they already know everything important. They’re just so boring.

Stop thinking of yourself as a good person.

I’m serious.

If you think of yourself as a good person, if you think that’s part of what you are, then it becomes part of your self-image. And your natural tendency is to defend your self-image. You’ll move heaven and earth to deny, dispute, and ignore anything that challenges your self-image. You’ll project, you’ll deflect, you’ll do whatever mental backflips it takes to throw out any evidence that challenges your self-image of “I am good”.

And that keeps you from taking responsibilities for your mistakes. And you will make mistakes. If you insist of making “I am good” part of your self-image, your choices are (a) never make mistakes, good luck with that, or (b) go right down to the mat, screaming and kicking, to defend yourself against any charge that you’ve made a mistake, ever.

Or (c) let your self-image be shattered when you really hurt someone and can’t defend yourself any longer.

Instead, think of yourself as a person who tries to do good. Even better, be a person who tries to do good. Make it something you do, not something you think you are. Because then making a mistake does contradict your view of yourself, and doesn’t have to shatter your self-image. You just take responsibility for your mistake, and keep trying.

Venting. Deal with it.

I’m honestly not having a great time at work. I’m having a difficult time on the new project, and I’m additionally having a hard time distinguishing how much of that is me and how much is interacting with people who want nothing more than to tell me I’m doing it wrong, when secretly the only way I could possibly be doing it right is if I weren’t doing it at all and they were doing it instead.

Plus, there’s the whole “new project” in the first place. I was re-org’ed for the first time this past February, along with about a quarter of the people in my office. It was nothing to do with our work, we were told repeatedly. Over and over we were told that. The Quality of Your Work is Exceptional, But. We’ve Never Been Anything But Happy With Your Team, But.

But headcount. But some VP found it easier not to think about us. But the company gives enough of a damn about us not to fire us (after much fighting from our local site leads) but not enough of a damn about us to treat as anything other than disposable and interchangeable.

And meanwhile, there’s the news.

I do honestly feel like I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery for several years but right now it’s at an impasse. The necessity of compassion feels so obvious to me, but I don’t know what to do with that realization. And meanwhile the world gets kicked on its side and set on fire by selfish, terrified narcissists who’d rather cause themselves pain than let anyone else feel joy, as if joy had to be hoarded.

And I don’t know what to do except shout into the void. Clearly “same old, same old” isn’t working, but as of yet I’m still too scared to do anything else.

Alright, pity party’s over for now.

I just want to run screaming through the streets

Let’s just say it. Trump is an intellectually lazy, thin-skinned, vainglorious narcissist, a habitual liar, and a bully. He’s both comically and tragically unfit for office…

…and he’s polling at about 40% of the popular vote.

Trump is not the problem. Trump going down to inglorious, humiliating defeat in November doesn’t solve the problem, even if he doesn’t contest the result, even his supporters don’t riot in the street.

America, how in hell did you let it get so bad that this cheeto-faced contemptuous blowhard can get 40% of the popular vote? Why wasn’t this buffoonish corporate mascot laughed out of public view months ago?

This is your fault. Fix your shit.